i asked the universe for a sign

 hi friends.

i had a little bit of a breakdown the other night.

not a cute, cinematic breakdown. i mean crying crying. the kind where you're saying the same thing you've said a million times before, except this time it feels heavier.

i hate it here.

and by "here," i mean texas. lol.

i know that sounds dramatic. i know there are worse places to be. i have a home here. people i love are here. there are pieces of my life here that i am incredibly grateful for.

but i am so tired of feeling like gratitude means i'm not allowed to admit that i am unhappy.

because i am.

i don't feel like texas is me. i don't feel inspired here. i don't feel excited about building the rest of my life here. and lately, that feeling has been getting harder and harder to ignore.

i think the scariest part is feeling stuck.

it's one thing to know you want something different. it's another thing to have absolutely no idea when you'll actually be able to have it.

so that night, while i was crying and feeling particularly hopeless about the whole thing, i did something i don't normally do so directly.

i asked the universe for a sign. 

literally just: please give me some kind of sign that something is going to change. that we're not going to be here forever. that there is some version of our life ahead of us that looks different than this one.

i didn't ask for a winning lottery ticket. i didn't ask to magically wake up in somewhere else the next morning.

i just wanted something.

some tiny indication that maybe my life isn't as stuck as it feels.

and then the next day, my husband got a notification at work.

he's up for a promotion.

and if he gets it, it would give us the ability to move.

LIKE????????? hello?????

universe?????

i'm listening!!!!!

obviously, nothing is guaranteed. he doesn't have the promotion yet. we don't have boxes packed. there is no moving date circled on a calendar.

this could still go a million different ways.

but that's almost not the point.

the point is that less than 24 hours after i sat there crying and basically begged for one little reason to believe that our circumstances could change, a possibility appeared that hadn't been there before.

and maybe it's a coincidence.

but i think sometimes a "sign" isn't a promise that everything is about to work out exactly the way you want it to.

sometimes it's something that reminds you there are things happening outside of what you can currently see. that a life can feel completely stagnant right up until something shifts.

and for months, i've been looking at our future like this giant question mark. how do we leave? when can we leave? what would have to happen?

for the first time, there is a possible answer.

maybe this is the path that gets us there. maybe it isn't.

but something about the timing made me feel a little less trapped.

like maybe i don't need to know exactly how everything is going to happen yet.

maybe i just needed proof that it can.

so, universe, message received.

and if you'd like to make the next sign a little less subtle and perhaps include an oregon address, i am also open to that. show me how good it gets.

    see you lately,

    chey